Diary of a Unionist Aphrodite #5: Interview with Anita

What kind of family do you come from?

I come from a completely normal middle-class family, where we weren't rich, but we didn't lack anything either. My parents had no problem providing me with a normal education and studies at one of the elite faculties, hoping that after finishing my studies, I would create a life that was 'normal' for them – finish college, get a job, find a partner, get married, have a family. So they could be proud of me, that I was a 'successful project,' that they raised their child as they should, provided what was necessary for me to stand on my own feet and become a 'normal' citizen, a pride to the whole family.

For most girls, the typical reason is financial hardship. How did you get into prostitution?

Objectively, I didn't have to, as I finished a degree where getting a job isn't a problem. From the age of 17 to 24, I believed that a man was doing me a favor by having sex with me. In return for this favor, I fulfilled his every wish. In my early twenties, my partner at the time and I also started experimenting with swinging. After the relationship ended, I completely fell into the swinger lifestyle. I was very drawn to that scene. Experimenting with sexuality, discovering new fetishes, meeting people online, and visiting swinger clubs at home and abroad. It was insanely good! But even in this scene, the pattern of me being the one calling around and begging for sex continued. They got sex for free, served on a platter, they didn't have to try very hard for it. And they valued me accordingly – I was taken for granted. Then, among the swingers, I met one who asked me, if I enjoy sex so much, why not try to earn a little money from it? He told me his friend was a prostitute and he could introduce me to her. The idea seemed interesting, and I wanted to meet this girl. At this stage, it wasn't about the money for me, as I had no financial needs. It was more about curiosity. I was interested, when I met her, whether men who pay for sex even make an effort for the woman. I had this prejudice that maybe they don't make an effort because they pay. Her answer surprised me very much – she said they make more effort than for their own girlfriend or wife! You don't believe it? You can come work with me and we can do a threesome, and you'll see.

Please describe in more detail your relationships with men before you became a sex worker.

I chose partners who were either physically or emotionally unavailable, or both. The guys who would have gladly made time for me every day and would have carried me in their arms – they didn't attract me. The ones for whom I had to fight for every bit of attention and for sex once a week, they attracted me like crazy. At the time, I thought this was normal. I had such pathological relationships with men from the age of 17 to 24. Now I know this is called relationship addiction. It's a form of addiction that is most common among women. The best 'drug' is problematic relationships, full of drama, fear, danger, risk, and the sweet hope that all the suffering will one day be rewarded when HE finally realizes how great her love is.

How did prostitution change your life?

As a prostitute, for the first time in my life, I felt desired by men, and for the first time in my life, men treated me well! I don't have to beg and I no longer have to humiliate myself in front of men! They call me on their own, they come. They treat me a hundred times better and more respectfully than those who had me for free – and they even give me money! All these facts fascinated me much more than the money. I finally gained validation. I received this kind of treatment from them because I was also happy, relaxed, and friendly with them – I felt like I had been swinging for free before, and now I was swinging for money. For the first few months, I only did threesomes and gang bangs, I started solo meetings only later. And in that period, I wasn't picky because I was swinging a lot – so I could enjoy it with almost everyone.

In your opinion, are visits from married clients cheating?

The first form of psychotherapy throughout history was the confessional in church and visiting a prostitute. The same still applies to our profession today. We have an insight into the behind-the-scenes of 'facade' Slovenian families that a 'normal' woman cannot have. Clients tell us the actual truth, how they feel and think, they don't have to lie or embellish anything in front of us. Some have perfectly happy marriages and are just looking for a little variety and excitement, others have problems at home and are looking for a substitute for their relationships. Sometimes wives are not in the mood to fulfill sexual desires or they don't even dare to tell them, because they are afraid of their reactions. Some started visiting girls only after their wife got pregnant and when there were small children at home (this is called the 'curse of the first child'). At that time, the sex life of most couples is said to change drastically because everything revolves around the little being. For men, it is very possible to love one woman immensely (their partner), but still enjoy others from time to time – and this has absolutely nothing to do with love for the partner. For a 'normal' woman, when her partner cheats on her, it is a very big burden and shock, because she thinks he doesn't love her since he cheated. This is light-years away from the truth. He can love her very much, but either because of fetishes or a greater sexual need that he can't satisfy at home. And we girls in the business know these facts. I am very happy that through this work, sincere relationships, and conversations with clients, I have managed to learn so much behind-the-scenes truth. Because of this, I will undoubtedly be a better wife and mother.

So prostitution changed your life for the better? Did anything bad happen too?

It started like a dream, as I described. I considered the girl who introduced me to the business a friend. But within a year, the whole truth came out. A young, naive girl who comes into the business is a real magnet for all the scoundrels and exploiters who want to take advantage of her. And they know how to camouflage themselves well as your friends, partners, benefactors, lovers. First, she gained my trust. We spent a lot of time together and were friends, she paid for my lunch, took me out, listened to my problems, and helped me. Once she had my trust, she started, step by step, with subtle psychological pressure, exploitation, and manipulation. I won't describe everything in detail – but I can say it was terrible. She completely psychologically subordinated us (there were several of us girls), manipulated us, and exploited us, we suffered such psychological terror that we were complete nervous wrecks. One girl even ended up in a psychiatric hospital. She convinced us that we were incapable of working without her help. I left her apartment when she started locking me in against my will. I went to work on my own. At first, she bothered me, but I soon got on my own feet. This experience was very educational for my whole life. As a young naive girl who was previously wrapped in cotton wool, I judged other people by myself. I never even thought that someone might have hidden intentions. This experience shattered that illusion for me forever. I needed this for my own shaping, how to survive in the cruel world you are thrown into when you enter this business. You have to judge the people around you well, for what purpose they associate with you and what they want from you. This is a provision for caution for the future. For all the following years, I worked without a pimp, I had my own work apartment or we rented it together with girls from the business.

What is your experience with drugs?

The next trap this business hides is cocaine. It appears in your life very quietly and stealthily... I experienced all the cocaine paradise and all the cocaine hell – one doesn't go without the other, unfortunately. I will talk more about this in the drug-related topic. I am a proud abstinent after thirteen years of snorting. Everything that belongs to the cocaine lifestyle is one of the biggest problems in this business. Cocaine is unavoidable, as clients bring it. That's how it is and always will be. For some, the fun package is both together – a girl and drugs.

Did you feel like a victim at that time?

I want to emphasize that I don't blame anyone. I am honestly stating the facts and circumstances that led me to this day. I am by no means a victim of circumstances, people, or family patterns. You can only be a victim as a child. When you grow up and become aware of all these patterns, you are entirely responsible for what you will do with it. Whether you will whine, blame others, and perish, or you will be able to use your story, experiences, and circumstances to your advantage. For your spiritual growth and to help others with your experiences.

You have been in prostitution for thirteen years. Do you still enjoy it as much as you did at the beginning?

After thirteen years, I can only enjoy it with about ten percent of clients. Regardless of being a sex lover, over the years, a person always becomes picky and standardized.

Does your family know what you do for a living?

For a while, I successfully hid my business. Because I am a very honest person by nature, hiding and lying was torture for me. The guy I broke up with at the time took revenge on me. It was very difficult. I accepted the situation as it was and made it clear to people that it doesn't bother me if they know. I didn't lose a single friend because of it. For girls who are ashamed and obviously show how hard it is for them when it gets out, such a situation negatively affects social relationships because they themselves provoke such a reaction. If you accept yourself, others will too. But if you are ashamed and experience it as a 'flaw,' the environment will also react that way. When my family found out I was a prostitute, it was terrible at first. They didn't disown me, but they wish I would stop. In the ten years since they've known about my business, they have matured enough not to want to shape me according to their standards anymore. They just want me to be happy. I have a good relationship with my family and we get along normally.

How do you think the years of prostitution will affect your life when you change jobs?

After thirteen years in the business, I would also like to slowly wrap it up. With all my rich knowledge and experience gained over these years, I will help other girls. I am very happy that through the business, sincere relationships, and conversations with clients, I have managed to learn so much behind-the-scenes truth. And because of this, I will undoubtedly be a better wife and mother. Above all, the fact that I have broadened my horizons without prejudices and taboos is a great support and relief to me.

Thank you.