Interview with a Tantric Masseur
An in-depth conversation about the art of touch, spirituality, and eroticism.
Why did you start with tantric massages?
I was looking for work that truly brings me joy for a long time, until I completed a classical massage course in 2016 and told myself that massage, or the art of touch as I call it, is something I really love to do. Over time, I noticed that I greatly enjoy massaging women, and they also enjoyed the touch, feeling very safe and relaxed. Since I have been involved with and learning about spirituality since 2011, I knew the basics of the world of energies and the spiritual side of our existence. I was also familiar with tantra, so I slowly started combining the two. I realized that if you admire a woman on all levels of her being, the energy flows much better, and if there is no desire behind the admiration, the woman is much more relaxed and open. If we combine this with touch that seeks and creates erogenous zones on the female body, we get an experience called tantric massage. I say that tantric massage is an erotic massage that treats a person not just physically, but also from a spiritual side, and that when we allow ourselves to enjoy and feel, we can heal more than just sexual blockages. Because of these insights, I decided to become a tantric masseur who intertwines spirituality and eroticism. I also offer classic erotic massages, which are slightly cheaper.
What is the difference between tantric and erotic massage?
Tantric massage includes erotic massage, but a standard erotic massage does not include tantric. Not every erotic massage is tantric, but a tantric massage is an erotic massage that has recognized the spiritual aspect of a person as a multi-layered and multi-dimensional being. The difference between erotic and tantric massage is made by the masseur with their approach to the client, the connecting exercises performed before the massage, and the massage technique. In terms of technique, tantric massage is most similar to Ayurvedic massage, with the difference that it uses sexual energy, the most powerful energy our body is capable of creating. Tantric massage has a lot to do with eroticism, as it transforms our sexual frequency from lower energy centers to higher ones. Tantra is fundamentally about acceptance and transformation.
Do you perform massages for both genders?
I only do massages for women, as attraction must be present during the massage itself. Since I am heterosexual, I am only able to massage women. There is not yet a tantric masseur for men in Slovenia, so this is a great opportunity for someone to break the ice.
Do you use tools and what is your specialty?
I use a feather and holistic instruments, which are also my specialty. Before the massage itself, I perform a sound bath, so the client feels as if they are bathing in sound while I play Tibetan bowls and a gong, and jingle bells.
What must a tantric masseur know?
A tantric masseur must above all be a person who knows how to bring another person to a point of relaxation and feeling at home through conversation. After that, they must also master non-verbal communication, meaning they establish a physical, energetic, emotional, and mental connection through various connecting exercises. It is also crucial that they are a good observer, as tantric massage is deeply intuitive, which means it differs from client to client; each client is special or unique. They must also know the anatomy and physiology of the body and the course of meridians or energy channels. It is welcome if they can perceive and feel energy, making it easier to discover energy blockages. They must be skilled in the basics of massage, and it is very welcome if they know several massage techniques, as this gives them a larger repertoire to adapt to the client. Most importantly, they must know how to set and maintain the boundaries of the massage, so that the client gets as much from the massage as they are ready to accept.
Where did you get your education?
Since 2011, I have been flirting with spirituality and exploring esotericism and the paranormal. In 2014, I became interested in tantra and researched this area on my own until 2016, the same year I completed a classical massage course and asked for advice from a tantric masseur, who recommended books on tantric massage. After this period, I began practicing tantric massage on friends and lovers, to whom I am very grateful for the moments we shared. In 2017, I spent the winter in the Canary Islands, where I learned tantric massage techniques and foot reflexology in a massage parlor. After the experience in the Canary Islands, I attended a tantric massage workshop in 2018, where I wanted to check how well I had educated myself, and the results were more than excellent. In 2020, I also started performing tantric massage professionally, i.e., with clients, and then went to expand my knowledge in London, where I performed classical massages in a London salon, and also tantric massages privately. There I met a man who performs sexual therapies himself or with the help of other masseurs who follow his instructions. I realized the power and beauty of sexual therapies if they are performed in a safe space under the watchful eye of a professional. Perhaps I should mention as an interesting fact that women there, for the purpose of experiencing their sexual fantasies, and indirectly with a therapeutic purpose, could have sexual relations with several men, which completely broke all my taboos about sexual therapies.
Is sexual intercourse part of tantric massage?
Sexual intercourse is not part of tantric massage, so it is not included. However, women who desire sexual intercourse are welcome to bring an artificial penis or vibrator and, with my help, experience a very good approximation of the sexual act itself. Tantric massage is lovemaking without penetration and kisses, but on an energetic level, it is still all lovemaking.
Do you perform therapeutic tantric massages?
I avoid labeling the massage as therapeutic, as I believe you need a degree in psychology and a specialization in sexual therapy for something like that. Therefore, I want to focus more on clients who simply want to upgrade their experience of themselves and their bodies. It is true, however, that every good session is also therapeutic because it opens up insight into oneself for the client, while also providing the opportunity to heal old patterns and wounds. Therapy is thus only a possible consequence and not the main purpose.
Who is interested?
Most interest comes from women aged between 30 and 45. Younger women, aged 23, and older ones, up to 55, also come. I have a lower limit of 21 years, as sexuality is a very vulnerable area, which is why it is good for them to be at least three years above the age of majority. I have no prejudices about the upper limit, as long as the woman is well-groomed and cares for her body. Mostly, women who want to deepen their understanding and experience of their body come to me, but there are also those who simply want to enjoy, let go, and receive tenderness.
What is most important in a massage?
The most important thing is that the client feels safe and accepted at all times and is aware that they have control over what is happening. As a masseur, I am always attentive to signs of discomfort, but it is also very desirable for the client to point out if they start to feel uncomfortable. It is very important to set boundaries before the massage, what can and cannot be massaged, and in what way the massage can proceed. It is welcome for the client to say what they like and what they don't, so the masseur can focus more on points of comfort, but at the same time not forget what they don't like, as with the right approach, every point of the body turns into an erogenous zone.
How do you approach the massage?
First, the client and I have a glass of water or tea and have a short conversation so that the client relaxes and a pleasant verbal communication is established. In the conversation, I double-check which areas to massage and if there are any areas I should be aware of; if she particularly likes something and what she doesn't. Then follow the connecting exercises. The first exercise is for the client and me to sit opposite each other and gaze into each other's eyes. For easier focus, one eye is chosen. This creates a kind of wordless communication and connection, as I believe in the tradition that the eyes are the gateway to the soul. It can be a little uncomfortable at first, but once this initial feeling is overcome, it becomes somehow liberatingly pleasant. After this exercise, we each place a hand on our heart chakra, first the right, then the left over it, and try to feel our heart and heart chakra, and at the same time, love for ourselves. With this comes self-acceptance and forgiveness. The heart has an electromagnetic field 60 times larger and 5000 times more intense than the brain, and even the universities of Stanford and Oxford advocate that the heart is the home of intelligent consciousness. After some time, when the client connects with herself, we place our right hands on each other's heart chakra, and cover each other's hand with our own left hand. Now we try to feel each other and thus create a connection through touch as well. But this is not an ordinary touch, as with the connection of the hearts, the energies begin to intertwine and feel at home with each other, creating an even deeper connection than after the first exercise. In the next exercise, we close our eyes and add the exchange of breath, which means that when one exhales, the other inhales, and when the breaths synchronize, it is one of the strongest connections. At that moment, I imagine that my exhale from my heart travels through my right hand into her heart and returns through my left hand back into her. Where our attention is, our energy is, and if we support this with breath, the control over energy is that much greater. The last step in the exercises is to, with closed eyes, press our foreheads together and try to feel how the energies intertwine with the breath. After these exercises, most of the tension disappears because we connect on all levels of being: physical, energetic, emotional, and mental, thus creating a kind of soul connection. Then I leave the room so that the client can undress in peace and lie down on the massage surface. When she calls me that she is ready, I enter the room and cover her with a sheet. A sound bath follows, where the client lies down, and I place Tibetan bowls on her body, the sound of which penetrates all cells and helps to relax at the most subtle level, while I also play the gong and bells. The massage follows. The client lies on her stomach, and I first massage her back, continue on her legs, then she turns on her back, and I massage her face, arms, abdomen, breasts (if desired), and the front of her legs. The massage is perhaps a bit similar to classical - Swedish, but technically it is most similar to Ayurvedic, the big difference being that the touch is much more gentle, sensitive, and feeling, as if my fingers are caressing her skin and showing affection with touch. Along the spine, energy points are also opened with pressure, which allows for better energy flow. During the massage, with my lips close, I blow warm and cold air over her body, and I also work with a feather that goes lightly over her body, as the emphasis is on her being as attentive as possible to the touch and also immersing herself in it. In fact, the more she is aware of what is happening inside her, the more effective the massage is. However, the goal of the massage is not just to awaken this energy, but to draw it with concentration and breath from the lower energy centers and pull it all the way to the head. This releases processes in the body at a subconscious level that heal or open up the repressed. It is precisely this distribution of energy throughout the body that is the magic of the massage, as this is how we learn to control and understand the energy that flows through us. When I have massaged all parts of the body, the yoni (vagina) can also be massaged if desired, which means that the area around it is massaged first, then slowly the outer labia, inner labia, and clitoris. If the client is ready and has the desire, her interior is also massaged. I do everything so that it is as pleasant as possible for the client. The massage also ends with the yoni massage, and I do a short sound bath, after which the client rests a bit, then slowly gets up and gets dressed. After the session, there is a short conversation about impressions, and if the client feels she is still a bit in the clouds, we do some grounding exercises.
Is it true that you discovered a new version of tantric massage? What is it called and how does it work?
It's true, with a friend who plays crystal bowls, we discovered how the experience of tantric massage is enhanced by the sound of crystal bowls. We named it Crystal Tantra. Crystal Tantra is very similar to regular tantric massage, with the difference that we invite both aspects of human nature, male and female, into the space. Dark and light. We also do the connecting exercises all three of us together, which means the whole experience flows through the hearts of three people, not just two as in regular tantric massage. The sound of the crystals and the presence of another woman in the room make the whole experience even more intense and liberating.
What kind of oils do you use?
I use natural coconut or almond oil.
How long does the massage last?
The introductory and concluding conversations last about 60 minutes together, and the massage itself lasts between 90 and 180 minutes. So a session lasts from 150 to 240 minutes, depending on the client's wishes and needs.
Your work requires a lot of discretion, how do you manage it?
I do not talk about clients and massages. If, for research and educational purposes, I do talk about the course of a massage, I always exclude personal data that could identify the person. I am seriously aware of the need for discretion and my integrity in this regard.
How can clients contact you?
Clients can contact me at my e-mail: romeorene96@gmail.com
What are the biggest prejudices women have?
That such a massage is something they should be ashamed of, even though the desire and need for touch are natural. Tantric massage can be more relaxing and liberating than a few days' vacation, as the level and intensity of the massage are such that they help to re-establish balance. For single women, such a massage is something completely natural; for those who are in relationships, it is fair and nice to talk about it with their partner beforehand, who can join the massage for a small extra charge and also learn a trick or two.
What do you notice during massages?
During massages, I notice a lot of shame around pleasure, that women really allow themselves to enjoy and express themselves both with the sounds they release and with the body language that is supposed to dance while receiving pleasure. I have noticed that women over 40 surrender to pleasure much more easily and relaxed than those under 30. However, the effect is that much greater if a young woman learns to truly enjoy experiencing her sexuality, as she will have a very good foundation for further exploration of her desires and needs.
Why do women return?
Women mostly return because they feel safe and accepted, without being judged. Because they can be who they are with me, and at the same time, all the time is dedicated to them and to them feeling good and allowing themselves to enjoy, without the thought that they should do something in return. From a tantric point of view, the masseur must treat the woman like a goddess. I strive to admire every woman and give her the feeling that she is the only one who matters at that moment.
When they contact you, how do they approach with an inquiry?
Most contact me out of curiosity and interest in tantric massage, and they are interested in how it all works and how far the massage itself goes. Here I answer all their questions, and if they are in doubt, I invite them for a classic or bioenergetic massage first, so they can get to know me and see how I work and how they feel with me.
What do you see when you have a female body in front of you?
I see the female body as a beautiful blank canvas, on which I am given the honor to bring some color and life with my touch. Each canvas is unique, and in each, I find something that attracts me, and on that, I build mutual tension and potentiate sexual energy.
When is the client's benefit from the massage the greatest?
The best benefit depends on the individual, but on average, it is best if she decides on three to five sessions, as in this time we get to know each other well and get used to each other, which allows for the greatest effect. It is good to have at least a week between sessions and no more than two, to maintain momentum. For those who are just looking for pleasure, I recommend once a month or maybe once every two months, to maintain a healthy distance from me as a masseur.
How important is it that people do not suppress sexual energy?
Sexuality is a primary need, which means it is as necessary for our well-being as food, water, rest, movement, etc. It is true that people can take care of their sexuality themselves or with a partner, but it is still different if they come to someone who deals with it professionally. If a woman has a partner, he is invited to attend the session, as after a few sessions the need for a masseur is also eliminated because the man learns how to listen and thus also satisfy his woman. We are becoming a service society, so I advocate the thesis that a good service is worth paying for. And my clients also agree that the massage is worth every euro. Suppressing sexual energy leads to extremes that are not good for anyone, so I am of the opinion that healthy sexuality is the key to a healthy life.